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1 But I determined this with myself, that I would not come again to you in heaviness.

He determined that he would not come in heaviness, for to meet those who had been so dear to him, under such alienating conditions, was more than he could stand.

So, he explains, he had instead written to them in much anguish of heart, with many tears, hoping to move them to repentance by the entreaties of his love and care. He had no rest in his spirit until word came back to him that his letter and his prayers and Titus' visit had been successful in inspiring them to a thorough repentance, and renewed love for him.

This leads him to the closing thoughts of chapter 2, that he was both a messenger of life and a messenger of death, according as how he - as the appointed minister of God - was received. And he says in awe-

"Who is sufficient for these things?"

He was overwhelmed with the great responsibility of life and death that lay upon him, and his high position in the purpose of God.

Bro Growcott - Sorrowful, Yet Alway Rejoicing